全文 The whole conversation, with pinyin and English
黄老师：伟强，你这篇《讲故事比赛》写得很清楚，可是读起来有点平淡。
wěi qiáng nǐ zhè piān jiǎng gù shi bǐ sài xiě de hěn qīng chu kě shì dú qǐ lai yǒu diǎn píng dàn
Mrs Huang, the tutor: Weiqiang, your composition 'The Storytelling Contest' is clearly written, but it reads a little flat.
伟强：平淡是什么意思？我把发生的事情都写下来了。
píng dàn shì shén me yì si wǒ bǎ fā shēng de shì qing dōu xiě xià lai le
Weiqiang: What does 平淡 mean? I wrote down everything that happened.
黄老师：意思是只有事情，没有感受。读者不知道你当时是开心、紧张还是害怕。
yì si shì zhǐ yǒu shì qing méi yǒu gǎn shòu dú zhě bù zhī dào nǐ dāng shí shì kāi xīn jǐn zhāng hái shi hài pà
Mrs Huang, the tutor: It means there are only events and no feelings. The reader can't tell if you were happy, nervous or scared.
伟强：原来是这样。那我应该在哪里写感受呢？
yuán lái shì zhè yàng nà wǒ yīng gāi zài nǎ lǐ xiě gǎn shòu ne
Weiqiang: I see. So where should I write about my feelings?
黄老师：最重要的地方，比如你上台讲故事的时候。你可以写：“我的心跳得很快，手心都是汗。”
zuì zhòng yào de dì fang bǐ rú nǐ shàng tái jiǎng gù shi de shí hou nǐ kě yǐ xiě wǒ de xīn tiào de hěn kuài shǒu xīn dōu shì hàn
Mrs Huang, the tutor: At the most important part, like when you went on stage to tell your story. You could write: 'My heart was beating fast and my palms were sweaty.'
伟强：我明白了！还有，开头可以怎样写得更好？
wǒ míng bai le hái yǒu kāi tóu kě yǐ zěn yàng xiě de gèng hǎo
Weiqiang: I get it! And how can I make the opening better?
黄老师：如果你用一句对话或者一个声音开头，就能马上吸引读者。比如：“下一位，伟强！”
rú guǒ nǐ yòng yí jù duì huà huò zhě yí gè shēng yīn kāi tóu jiù néng mǎ shàng xī yǐn dú zhě bǐ rú xià yí wèi wěi qiáng
Mrs Huang, the tutor: If you begin with a line of speech or a sound, you'll catch the reader's attention straight away. For example: 'Next, Weiqiang!'
伟强：这个开头真好！我回家就把作文改一改。
zhè ge kāi tóu zhēn hǎo wǒ huí jiā jiù bǎ zuò wén gǎi yi gǎi
Weiqiang: That opening is great! I'll revise my composition as soon as I get home.
黄老师：好！记住，写作文就像讲故事，要让读者好像就在你身边。
hǎo jì zhù xiě zuò wén jiù xiàng jiǎng gù shi yào ràng dú zhě hǎo xiàng jiù zài nǐ shēn biān
Mrs Huang, the tutor: Good! Remember, writing a composition is like telling a story: make the reader feel they're right there beside you.